Detroit Tigers trade Brandon Inge for Mower, Coupon

Update: Better late than never!  Click here for my spin on the real move.

Long time Detroit Tiger, Brandon Inge, has been traded by the Tigers to the Tijuana Toros of the Golden Baseball League for a 1986 John Deere r72 Riding Lawnmower and a 20% off coupon to Bed, Bath and Beyond.

While the deal of Inge has sent the southern suburbs of Detroit into mourning, Tigers’ GM Dave Dombrowski feels that the club got good value for a player coming off a season which saw him hit .197 with 3 home runs and 23 RBI.

“We appreciate everything that Brandon Inge has done for this city and the Detroit Tiger organization,” Dombrowski said “however, when an opportunity to acquire one of the greatest models of riding mowers ever comes up, you simply can’t walk away from that…even at the price of a Brandon Inge.”  Dombrowski went on to say that while the mower is 26 years old and hasn’t run in 6 years, he’s hopeful that they can get it repaired.  “I’ve talked to the small engine mechanics at Home Depot and they assure me that it’s nothing that a tune up and oil-change won’t resolve”.  Once repaired, the r72 will likely be assigned to Single-A Lakeland.  When speaking to the media, manager Jim Leyland appeared to well-up when talking about Inge, “This is a sad day for baseball fans.  Today the Detroit Tigers lost easily one of the 250-270 best players to ever put on this uniform, but that’s baseball.  It is what it is.  You can all take that and write whatever you need to about it.”  Adding about the Bed, Bath and Beyond coupon, “But it’s not like we got chopped liver for Inge.  We got that coupon.  They say they expire, but they still take them after the date printed on them.  I don’t know any other store that will do that.”  Perhaps in a shadow of things to come, Detroit scouts were seen eyeing a Kuerig Coffee machine at a Bed, Bath and Beyond in Orlando, FL just last week.  It’s not known where the Kuerig would reside or if it is a single or dual cup model.

Meanwhile, Brandon Inge appeared to be in a state of shock.  After losing his positions to All-Stars Ivan Rodriguez and Miguel Cabrera during his career, he was unable to beat out Ryan Raburn for the starting second base job this spring.  “I’m really at a loss,” a defiant Inge said “I mean…I thought I was doing everything right.  My last eight at-bats this spring were all strikeouts, but I fouled off at least two pitches during them and I almost hit that last one.  I guess they’re going in a different direction.”  Apparently, after being told of the move Inge attempted to lobby for a spot in the starting pitching rotation as a final gasp at making the club, but Dombrowski and manager Jim Leyland didn’t agree with Inge’s assessment that he was just as good a pitcher as Tigers’ ace Justin Verlander.

Inge-fanatic Brandy Hogart of Melvindale, MI has contacted the media to let them know that a candlelight vigil is planned for Inge this Saturday in the Taylor K-Mart parking lot.  “No player has done more for the Tigers than Brandon Inge.  They should be ashamed of themselves.” Hogart told the Detroit Free Press “They running him out of town the same way the Wings runned out Chris Osgood.”  Hogart is asking that each fan donate $1 at the vigil for Inge’s charity, the Children’s ECD fund of Michigan, which provides counseling services for young children with extreme confidence disorder.

Inge hit 139 home runs and 587 RBI with a .235 average during his 11 year career with Detroit.

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*Photos courtesy of wikipedia.